The Shoulder
The Shoulder
65
bold-marten-898

Woke up in the ICU with no memory of what happened — how do you even process that?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. About six weeks ago I was involved in a hit and run on the highway — a large commercial truck sideswiped me, and from what witnesses and the police report say, my car spun out and hit the barrier hard. Multiple impacts. I don't remember any of it.

I came to in the ICU five days later. Broken ribs, a fractured vertebra in my neck (stable, thankfully), a serious head injury, and a collapsed lung. There were drainage tubes, monitors everywhere, and my family looked absolutely wrecked. That part I do remember — their faces when I first opened my eyes.

The gap is what haunts me. I keep trying to reach back into that week and there's just... nothing. Like someone cut out pages from a book. I've been told what happened in pieces — from my sister, from the first responders who stopped, from the police report — but hearing it secondhand doesn't make it feel real. I almost feel guilty that I don't remember, like I should be more traumatized?

My family keeps mentioning how scary it was for them and I totally get that, but honestly it makes me feel weirdly responsible for something I have zero memory of causing.

I'm starting outpatient PT next week and my doctor mentioned a therapist who works with TBI patients. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of memory gap after a serious accident? Did the memories ever come back? How do you grieve something you can't even remember living through?

12replies

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12 replies

  • 12
    cool-sparrow-890

    I had a similar gap after my accident — woke up and three days were just gone. Honestly the memories never fully came back for me, just little flickers here and there that I'm not even sure are real or things people told me. What helped me was eventually accepting that my brain protected me by not recording it. It sounds cheesy but it reframed things a little. You're not missing out on something you need — your body made a choice to shield you from it.

    • 1
      plainspoken-late-shift849

      Following up on this — any update on how it turned out?

    • 10
      calm-walker457

      Thanks for sharing. Hope things are getting a little easier for you.

  • 18
    clear-crane-373

    The memory loss you're describing is really common with the kind of head trauma you went through — it's called post-traumatic amnesia and it's your brain's actual physiological response to severe injury, not a psychological block you can just push through. Please don't try to force the memories. Some people do get fragments back over months, some don't. Either outcome is okay. The TBI therapist your doctor mentioned is a great call — make sure they have specific experience with trauma and brain injury, because they really do overlap in complicated ways.

  • 11
    quiet-owl-708

    Reading this made me tear up a little. You went through something massive and you're being so thoughtful about how it affected other people — that says a lot about you. Please give yourself permission to focus on YOU right now. The people who love you aren't keeping score.

  • 7
    quick-fox-021

    On the practical side — please be really careful about talking to any insurance company (yours or the truck's carrier if they tracked it down) while you're still in early recovery. They will absolutely use confusion, memory gaps, or anything you say offhand against you when it comes to your claim. Record everything yourself, keep all your medical paperwork, and don't give a recorded statement without someone in your corner first.

  • 7
    keen-mole-911

    Not legal advice, but — hit and run involving a commercial truck is a genuinely complex situation legally. There may be multiple liable parties depending on who owns the truck, who employed the driver, and what your own uninsured/underinsured motorist coverage looks like. The fact that you were in the ICU for nearly a week with a collapsed lung and a neck fracture is significant. If you haven't already talked to a personal injury attorney, it's worth at least a free consultation before you sign anything or accept any payment.

    • 15
      plain-grouse-444

      Two things: One, the weird guilt you feel about your family's trauma? Normal, but not your burden to carry. You didn't choose this. Two, do not wait on the therapist. I know PT feels more urgent because it's physical, but the mental side of a traumatic injury with memory loss can sneak up on you weeks or months later when you think you're 'fine.' Start the therapy now while you have momentum.

    • 9
      patient-wanderer452

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 13
    plain-tern-232

    I used to work claims for a large carrier and I just want to flag something: insurers start building their file the moment an accident is reported, and they note things like memory loss and confusion as factors that can complicate a claimant's account. That's not me saying you did anything wrong — it's just reality. Get a lawyer, let them be the point of contact, and focus on healing. Your job right now is to get better, not to manage a claims process.

  • 6
    cool-tern-491

    I know it probably doesn't feel this way yet, but the fact that you're here asking thoughtful questions six weeks out from a collapsed lung and a neck fracture is genuinely remarkable. Your body fought incredibly hard. The healing you're describing — physical, mental, emotional — it's not linear, but you're clearly already doing it.

    • 8
      gentle-wanderer890

      Appreciate the detailed write-up. Saving this for later.