The Shoulder
The Shoulder
62
brave-tern-747

Two years ago today my life got flipped upside down. Still processing it honestly.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I just woke up this morning and the date hit me like a wall and I needed to put it somewhere.

Two years ago I was driving home from an overnight shift when a pickup ran a red light at full speed and took out the whole passenger side of my car. I spent weeks in the hospital, had two surgeries, and didn't get back to any kind of real work routine for over a year. The other driver didn't make it.

I still have nerve damage in my left arm that flares up whenever the weather changes or I overdo it. Most days I manage. Some days I really don't.

The hardest part honestly isn't the physical stuff anymore — it's that so much changed in my life around the same time. Lost someone close to me. Took on a lot of responsibilities I wasn't expecting. I went from feeling like I was just starting to figure things out to suddenly being the person everyone else was leaning on.

Today I'm sitting here trying to decide how to mark the day. Part of me wants to do something meaningful. Part of me wants to just… not acknowledge it and watch TV all afternoon. I thought about driving past the intersection but I don't know if that would help or just reopen things.

Does anyone else have an "anniversary" like this? What do you do with a day that's heavy but doesn't fit neatly into grief or celebration or anything? How do you actually move forward when you're still physically reminded of it all the time?

13replies

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13 replies

  • 20
    bright-wolf-464

    The nerve damage flaring with weather changes is really common after that kind of trauma and honestly it can also be tied to stress responses — anniversaries included. Your nervous system genuinely remembers even when your conscious mind is trying to move on. If you haven't already, it might be worth asking your doctor about a pain management check-in specifically around this time of year. Not because something is necessarily wrong, just because your body might need a little extra attention right now.

    • 4
      soft-spoken-late-shift187

      Saving this whole thread. Really appreciate the honesty here.

  • 19
    cool-wolf-730

    The anniversary thing is so real. Mine is in the fall and every year when the leaves start changing I get this low-grade dread for like two weeks leading up to it. This year I finally just took the day off work and gave myself permission to feel whatever came up instead of trying to push through it. No big ritual, just space. It helped more than I expected.

  • 16
    quiet-tern-153

    Skip the intersection. Seriously. You already know how you'll feel after and it's not going to give you closure — it'll just be a hard afternoon. Do something that puts you in your body in a good way instead. Walk, cook something, whatever. The day doesn't have to mean anything except that you made it.

    • 0
      steady-neighbor568

      How long did it end up taking in your case?

  • 13
    sharp-elk-738

    Not legal advice at all, just — if your case ever settled and you're still experiencing symptoms this significant two years later, it's worth understanding what you signed and whether any future medical costs were accounted for. A lot of people don't realize what they agreed to until the bills keep coming. Worth at least having someone look at your paperwork if you haven't recently.

    • 2
      steady-dreamer212

      Thanks for sharing. Hope things are getting a little easier for you.

  • 11
    curious-marten-043

    The fact that you had ongoing nerve issues and lost over a year of work income and you're still dealing with physical symptoms two years out — I really hope you had solid representation and didn't let an adjuster talk you into a quick settlement right after the accident. They are very good at catching people when they're overwhelmed and getting them to sign away future claims. Just hope someone was looking out for you.

    • 6
      tired-rider221

      Going through something similar right now. Did following up actually move the needle for you?

  • 9
    sharp-hare-478

    I know this sounds small but the fact that you're here writing this, holding up your family, managing the pain — that's not nothing. That's actually a lot. You came back from something that could have ended very differently.

    • 7
      soft-spoken-overpass622

      Following up on this — any update on how it turned out?

  • 5
    mellow-seal-393

    I just want to say you didn't have to have a reason to post this. Sometimes you just need to say it out loud to someone. I'm glad you did. Two years of carrying all that — the injuries, the loss, the responsibilities — that's a lot. Be kind to yourself today.

  • 5
    clever-lynx-225

    Not trying to be insensitive, but I'm genuinely curious — are you still in any kind of treatment or PT for the nerve damage, or has it just become the new normal at this point? Asking because two years out, a lot of people just quietly accept a level of pain that might still be addressable.