The Shoulder
The Shoulder
67
spry-marmot-654

Two accidents in three years destroyed everything I was rebuilding. I don't know how to keep going.

I don't even know how to start this. I'll just say it.

About three years ago I finally felt like I was getting my footing back. I'd gone through a really ugly separation, moved into a small place I could actually afford, and was slowly getting back to a job I loved in a trade that requires physical stamina. Things weren't perfect but I was moving.

Then a driver blew a red light and hit my driver's side door. I did the PT, dealt with the insurance circus, managed to keep working reduced hours. Figured I'd gotten lucky, all things considered.

Eighteen months after that, I got hit again. Rear-ended on the highway at speed while I was basically stopped in traffic.

That second one broke something — not just physically. My lower back and neck are a mess. I have nerve damage down both arms. My hands shake now. I drop things constantly. I can't grip a tool, can't lift a bag of groceries, can't sleep more than two hours without waking up in agony. Getting dressed takes 45 minutes. Bathing myself is a whole production. Driving is out of the question.

I haven't been able to work in almost a year. I've burned through everything I saved. I'm behind on rent, my credit is wrecked, and the one person I thought I could lean on made it clear they're not available for this.

I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm angry all the time and also just... hollow. Some nights I lay here and think I genuinely cannot picture doing this for another decade.

Has anyone else just felt like the accidents didn't just hurt you — they erased you? How did you keep going? I'm not sure I know how anymore.

16replies

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16 replies

  • 17
    swift-grouse-271

    I could have written this post a year and a half ago, word for word almost. Second accident is what broke me too — I'd already been compensating physically from the first one and then boom, my body just couldn't adapt anymore. The anger and hollowness you're describing is REAL and it's not weakness. What you're carrying is genuinely crushing. I'm not going to tell you it's all fine now for me because I'm still in it, but I'm further along than I was and there were real moments where I thought it would never shift. It did shift, a little. I want that for you too.

  • 6
    tidy-badger-013

    Please don't disappear on us. I'm a stranger on a forum and I mean that. If tonight is really dark, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988. What you're going through is overwhelming and you deserve actual human support, not just to white-knuckle it alone in bed. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

    • 19
      daring-vole-904

      I want to flag something practical because I've been through the wringer with this: if there are two separate accidents with two separate claims, adjusters from BOTH sides have every incentive to blame your current condition on the other accident. They will absolutely try to make you the rope in a tug-of-war so neither one has to pay out fully. Please do not sign anything releasing either claim without understanding exactly what you're giving up.

    • 7
      honest-parent685

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 20
    bright-marmot-521

    The hand tremors, the nerve pain radiating into both arms, the sleep deprivation — your body is in a serious chronic stress state and that absolutely affects mood, cognition, and your ability to see any kind of future. That's not a character flaw, that's physiology. Have you been able to see a neurologist since the second accident? I ask because nerve involvement that's been untreated or under-treated for a while can sometimes be addressed in ways that weren't options earlier. Also — and I say this gently — the 'hollow and disappearing' feeling you described needs to be on your care team's radar too. You don't have to frame it as a crisis. Just tell them exactly what you told us.

    • 10
      hopeful-driver374

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 14
    clever-finch-949

    Jumping in on what the person above said — they're not wrong. I used to work claims and when there's a prior accident in someone's file, the default internal posture is 'pre-existing condition.' It takes real documentation — imaging, treatment records, timelines — to counter that narrative. The gap between your first accident and your second actually can work in your favor if the records show you were improving before the second hit. That's a documented baseline change. Just something to keep in mind if you end up talking to an attorney.

    • 9
      tired-traveler149

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 13
    hearty-bison-183

    With two separate accidents and the level of injury you're describing — nerve damage, loss of ability to work in your trade, ongoing care needs — there are potentially multiple liable parties and multiple insurance policies involved. That's genuinely complex, but it's also the kind of case most PI attorneys will take on contingency, meaning no upfront cost to you. Many also offer free consultations. I'm not telling you what to do, just: the financial hole you're in may have legal remedies you haven't been able to pursue yet because you've been in survival mode. That's understandable. But it's worth a conversation.

    • 1
      weary-wanderer355

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 22
    genuine-mole-155

    Not legal advice, but I'll say this: the fact that you were already in a vulnerable physical state from the first accident when the second one happened doesn't automatically reduce your claim — in many jurisdictions there's something called the 'eggshell plaintiff' principle that means defendants take you as they find you. Two accidents, documented deterioration, loss of livelihood in a physical trade — these are serious damages. Please talk to someone before any statutes of limitations close on either case. Not saying it fixes everything, but don't leave that door unopened.

    • 2
      gentle-parent859

      How long did it end up taking in your case?

  • 6
    genuine-swift-201

    I know 'silver lining' feels insulting right now and I'm not going to minimize how bad this is. But the fact that you wrote this out and asked how others keep going — that's not nothing. That's still you reaching for something. Hold onto that.

    • 7
      calm-parent382

      Going through something similar right now. Did following up actually move the needle for you?

  • 20
    spry-otter-337

    Okay, practical stuff first: 988 if tonight gets darker, no shame in it. Second — before you lose housing, look up whether your county has an emergency rental assistance program. A lot of them still have funds and 'unable to work due to injury' is often a qualifying circumstance. Third — if you haven't applied for short-term disability or SSDI, start that process now even if it feels overwhelming, because the clock on those matters. You're dealing with too much alone. Start with one thing tonight.

    • 2
      careful-dreamer775

      This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.