The Shoulder
The Shoulder
72
curious-stoat-332

I was told I'd never walk again after my wreck. I proved them wrong. Still processing all of it.

This is my first time writing any of this out publicly so bear with me.

I was 20 when a driver ran a red light and hit my side of the car at full speed. The first responders had to cut me out. I coded twice — once on the way to the hospital and once during surgery. They kept me under for a couple of months while my body tried to stabilize.

By the time I woke up I had a reconstructed shoulder, a replaced hip, rods in both legs, and plates holding part of my jaw together. The surgical team was genuinely kind but they were also very clear with my family: they did not expect me to walk unassisted again. Ever.

That was almost four years ago. I walk now. Not fast, not without pain, but I walk.

The hard part nobody warns you about is that surviving this kind of thing doesn't mean you're okay. I'm on long-term pain management and my doctors have basically told me that's probably permanent. Some days that feels like a life sentence. I grieve the version of myself that existed before that intersection.

I also spent a long time not understanding my rights or what I was even entitled to after something this catastrophic. The insurance process felt like a second trauma honestly.

I'm not really asking for anything specific right now. I just wanted to put this somewhere and maybe hear from people who understand what it's like to rebuild from almost nothing. Does the grief ever get quieter?

15replies

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15 replies

  • 21
    spry-crow-996

    I'm not doubting your experience at all — just curious, and only if you're comfortable sharing: are you still in active recovery or PT, or are you at a plateau? I ask because I've heard from others that the multi-year mark can sometimes open doors to different therapies or approaches that weren't available earlier. Wondering if your care team is still actively engaged or if you've kind of been handed off to just maintenance mode.

    • 8
      quiet-dreamer414

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 18
    daring-wolf-489

    The grief does get quieter. Not gone — quieter. I had a serious crash six years ago and for a long time I mourned who I was before it constantly. Now it's more like... background noise some days. You're only four years out from something enormous. Be patient with yourself in a way you probably wouldn't even ask of anyone else.

    • 5
      patient-dreamer206

      Same boat here. Did anyone mention a deadline to watch out for?

  • 18
    hearty-lynx-629

    You coded twice and you're writing this post and you WALK. I know that doesn't erase the pain or the grief and I'm not trying to toxic-positivity you. But I want to say out loud that what you rebuilt is real and it's yours and nobody can take that from you.

    • 4
      calm-driver942

      Thanks for sharing. Hope things are getting a little easier for you.

  • 16
    silent-lynx-368

    Not legal advice, just context: catastrophic injury cases involving permanent implants, chronic pain management, and documented loss of function are among the most complex claim types there are. If you ever feel like your settlement didn't account for the full arc of your medical future, consultations with personal injury attorneys are typically free and confidential. Worth knowing that option exists. What you're describing medically would likely be taken very seriously.

  • 15
    brave-crow-850

    To answer your actual question directly: yes, the grief gets quieter, but you probably have to actively work at it — therapy, community, letting yourself be angry sometimes instead of just sad. Surviving something this big without processing the emotional side usually catches up with people. If you're not already talking to someone, that's the most practical thing I'd suggest alongside everything else you're managing.

  • 14
    wise-badger-572

    I really hope you had solid legal representation when this settled, because injuries at this level — permanent hardware, long-term pain management, loss of function — the lifetime cost of care alone is massive. Adjusters are trained to close cases fast before people understand the full picture of what they'll need. If anything about how your claim was handled felt rushed or wrong, it may be worth having someone take a second look depending on where things stand.

    • 7
      gentle-wanderer283

      Appreciate the detailed write-up. Saving this for later.

    • 1
      plainspoken-sidewalk481

      Exactly my experience. Persistence paid off in the end.

  • 9
    silent-bison-108

    First — what you've survived is genuinely extraordinary, and I don't say that lightly. I've worked trauma recovery and the physical rebuilding you're describing takes everything a person has.

    On the long-term pain medication piece: that can bring its own complicated feelings, and sometimes people carry shame about it that they really don't need to. If it's managed thoughtfully and it's letting you function and have some quality of life, that's medicine doing its job. You went through massive structural trauma to your body. Pain is real. Managing it is legitimate.

    • 18
      clever-vole-838

      Honestly, I'll back up what was said above. Cases involving this degree of permanent injury and ongoing medical need are exactly the ones where early lowball offers happen because companies are betting the claimant doesn't know what future care actually costs. I saw it. If you accepted something shortly after waking up or during early recovery, that timeline matters. Not trying to alarm you — just, you deserve to understand what you may have been entitled to.

  • 7
    candid-owl-572

    I don't even have words for what you went through. I just want you to know that the fact you're here writing this, four years later and walking, is incredible. Please don't minimize that even on the hard days.

    • 1
      restless-overpass839

      Adding this: keep copies of every email. It mattered for me.