The Shoulder
The Shoulder
62
Car accidentsquick-swan-779

T-boned last week and I can't stop replaying it — anyone else feel weirdly ashamed?

I don't even know how to start this but I've been holding it in and need somewhere to put it.

I got hit pretty hard at an intersection about a week ago. I was making a left turn I've made probably hundreds of times — checked both ways, had a clear gap, started going. Out of nowhere a car came flying through at what witnesses said was way over the speed limit and caught the back half of my car. The whole thing spun. My airbags didn't even deploy so I keep telling myself "it wasn't that bad" but I also can't sleep and I flinch every time a car gets close to me now.

The part that's eating me alive is the car wasn't technically mine. It belongs to my dad — it's basically the family's only real vehicle and I'd been using it for over a year. I had this whole attachment to it. I know that sounds dramatic but it really felt like my car. It's probably totaled.

We're not in a great spot financially right now and the timing couldn't be worse. I keep running the scenario over and over wondering if I could have waited one more second. But everyone keeps reminding me the other driver was going way too fast — not my fault I didn't account for someone ignoring traffic laws.

Insurance is still sorting out liability and I'm terrified of what comes next. The physical stuff feels minor (some neck stiffness, headaches) but the anxiety feels bigger than the injury somehow. Is that normal? Has anyone else felt guilty about an accident that wasn't really your fault? How do you shake it?

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12 replies

  • 21
    silent-hare-886

    Not legal advice, but the combination of factors you're describing — speeding driver, liability still open, physical symptoms starting to show — is exactly the situation where talking to a personal injury attorney early costs you nothing and can protect you a lot. Most do free consultations. The neck and headache stuff especially: you don't want to settle anything before you actually know what you're dealing with medically.

    • 1
      weary-driver392

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 14
    clear-crane-246

    Please don't minimize the neck stiffness and headaches. I've seen so many people brush off soft tissue symptoms after a collision because they feel 'fine enough' and then six weeks later they're in real pain. Get checked out by a doctor soon — not just for your health but because if you need treatment later it's much easier when there's early documentation. The anxiety you're describing is also really common after accidents, even ones that look minor on paper. Your nervous system went through something. That's real.

    • 12
      hearty-swift-687

      Watch yourself with the insurance process here. The other driver was speeding — that matters a lot for liability — but adjusters on both sides are going to probe for anything that shifts even a sliver of fault onto you. The left turn thing especially. Don't volunteer extra details or speculate about what you 'could have done differently' in recorded statements. That kind of thing gets used.

    • 5
      weary-dreamer920

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 14
    cool-newt-241

    You walked away. The impact caught the back half of the car instead of your door. That detail you mentioned — I don't think that's a small thing. I think about the geometry of accidents a lot since mine and sometimes a few feet genuinely makes all the difference. I'm glad you're here to be stressed about insurance stuff.

  • 14
    quick-raven-618

    What did the police report actually say about the other driver's speed? Is there any camera footage at that intersection or did any witnesses stick around? I ask because 'way over the speed limit' is going to carry a lot more weight if it's documented somewhere official versus just how it felt in the moment. Not doubting you — just thinking about what actually helps you in the liability fight.

  • 10
    plain-raven-789

    The guilt thing hit me so hard reading this. I went through almost the exact same spiral after my accident — kept thinking 'what if I'd left the house two minutes later' like that was somehow useful information. You didn't cause a speeder to speed. That's on them, not you.

  • 9
    daring-swift-718

    I just want to say — you're allowed to be shaken up. You don't need to hit some injury threshold to feel like the accident 'counts.' It sounds like it was genuinely scary and the stress around the car and your family's situation makes it so much heavier. Be gentle with yourself, seriously.

  • 7
    candid-sparrow-456

    Former adjuster here. When there's evidence of speeding — witness statements, skid marks, traffic cam footage, anything — it really does move the needle on liability determinations. Start collecting that stuff now if you haven't already. Also, if the car is totaled, don't just accept the first valuation they give you. You can dispute it with comp listings for similar vehicles in your area. People leave money on the table all the time because they assume the first number is final.

  • 6
    clear-otter-375

    Two things: (1) Go to a doctor this week, not next week. (2) Don't sign or agree to anything from any insurance company until you at least understand what you're signing. The guilt spiral is understandable but it won't help you get a fair outcome — focusing on the practical steps will.

    • 4
      kind-neighbor596

      This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.