The Shoulder
The Shoulder
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Legal questionsbrave-mole-852

Other driver's family is threatening to sue me and claiming they have video — am I screwed?

This whole situation has me losing sleep and I just need some outside perspective from people who've been through something similar.

About a month ago I was in a fender bender at a busy intersection. We were both making the same turn and ended up in the same lane — honestly one of those accidents where both people are probably convinced the other person caused it. Minor damage, no injuries, we exchanged info and went our separate ways.

Here's where it gets complicated. I recently found out my coverage lapsed — long story, billing mix-up, totally my fault and I own that. So I've been handling this without insurance backing me up.

Now the other driver's daughter (not even the driver herself) has been texting me saying they hired an attorney and have surveillance footage proving I was at fault. She wants me to pay for repairs directly or they're taking me to small claims.

I honestly don't know if the footage claim is real or a bluff. I did take photos right after it happened and my angles clearly show what I think happened, but I never thought to go around asking local businesses if their cameras picked anything up. Now I'm kicking myself wondering if I should have done that from day one.

I talked to one attorney briefly and he seemed pretty calm about it, said to wait and see if they actually file. But the uncertainty is killing me.

A few things I'm genuinely anxious about:

  • If there IS footage and it goes against me, how bad is small claims without a lawyer?
  • If there's NO footage, is it just their word vs. mine?
  • Did I blow it by not hunting down surveillance myself?

Any advice or similar experiences would mean a lot right now.

16replies

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16 replies

  • 22
    mellow-tern-068

    The 'we have you on tape' line is one of the oldest pressure tactics out there. If they actually had damning footage, their attorney would probably just file and let it speak for itself in court — they wouldn't be having a family member text you about it. That said, don't be dismissive either. Start gathering your own documentation NOW. Your photos, a written timeline of exactly what happened, any witnesses you remember seeing. Even if you can't get surveillance after the fact, your own evidence still matters.

    • 8
      careful-wanderer479

      This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.

  • 19
    warm-swan-909

    A few things worth knowing: small claims court is actually designed for people without lawyers — judges are used to hearing from regular folks. Your photos and a clear, organized account of events carry real weight. Also, even if they do file, you'll get notice and a court date, so you'll have time to prepare. As for surveillance — it's worth one pass at nearby businesses even now. Footage retention varies but some places keep it for 30-60 days. Might still be worth asking, especially if there's a gas station or pharmacy nearby that might have had a decent angle.

  • 18
    clear-vole-779

    I went through something almost identical — other driver's family member doing all the talking, threatening lawyers, the whole thing. In my case the 'surveillance footage' never materialized. Sometimes people say that stuff to pressure you into paying without them having to actually prove anything. Doesn't mean you should ignore it, but don't panic and write a check just because someone drops the word 'attorney.'

    • 4
      steady-neighbor514

      This is really helpful — thank you for posting it.

  • 18
    genuine-badger-106

    Not legal advice, but the attorney you spoke with gave you reasonable guidance — wait to see if they actually file before you do anything drastic. A lot of threats never turn into actual lawsuits, especially in small claims where the amount at stake is low. If they do file, many areas have legal aid clinics or self-help centers at the courthouse that can walk you through the process for free or low cost. Don't sign anything or agree to any payment plan without understanding what you're signing away.

    • 1
      thankful-late-shift128

      Took me three tries but they finally budged. Don't give up.

    • 2
      honest-commuter630

      That lines up with what my adjuster told me too.

  • 18
    warm-otter-190

    This sounds so stressful, I'm sorry you're dealing with all this on top of everyday life. I don't know anything about legal stuff but it sounds like you've already done more than a lot of people would — you have photos, you talked to a lawyer, you're being thoughtful about it. That counts for something.

    • 8
      quiet-passenger838

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?

  • 17
    clever-bison-217

    Worked in claims for years. When a family member — not the actual driver, not an attorney — is the one sending threatening texts, that's a tell. A real attorney would be communicating through proper channels, not through a third party via text message. I'd stop responding to the daughter entirely and just wait to see if anything official shows up. Responding to informal pressure can sometimes work against you.

  • 17
    quiet-dove-101

    I'm not the legal expert here but just want to say — the stress of this kind of uncertainty is real and it takes a physical toll. Whatever happens with the case, make sure you're not neglecting yourself in the meantime. Sleep, eating, getting outside. A clear head will help you handle this better than running on anxiety.

    • 2
      mellow-offramp708

      Adding this: keep copies of every email. It mattered for me.

  • 13
    swift-sparrow-632

    Okay real talk: go make a written record of everything while your memory is fresh. Exact position of both cars, direction of travel, what the lane markings looked like, any signs or signals. Draw a diagram if you have to. If this ends up in front of a judge, the person with a clear organized story almost always does better than the person who's vague and scattered. You have photos — that's a solid start. Build on it.

    • 4
      steady-dreamer486

      Solid advice. Getting it in writing is the part most people skip.

  • 5
    careful-otter-194

    What does 'ended up in the same lane' actually mean — did you merge into her or did she merge into you? That's kind of the whole ballgame here. The fault question might be clearer cut than you're making it sound, and knowing that changes how worried you should actually be.