The Shoulder
The Shoulder
65
swift-owl-911

Other driver's family keeps texting my partner trying to get them to say it was their fault — what do I do?

Feeling really frustrated and kind of blindsided right now, so bear with me.

My partner was rear-ended at a stoplight about three weeks ago. Pretty clear-cut situation — the other driver even told the responding officer she "didn't see the brake lights in time." We filed a claim with our own carrier, they took a recorded statement, everything seemed to be moving along fine.

Then out of nowhere the claim status flipped from what looked like a favorable determination back to "under review" or something vague like that. No explanation, no call from the adjuster.

Around the same time, the other driver's brother-in-law started reaching out to my partner directly. First through a mutual acquaintance on social media, then through what looks like a burner number after my partner blocked the first one. The messages are weirdly casual at first — like "hey just want to clear things up" — but they keep circling back to questions like "so you were going pretty fast through there, right?" or "the light might have already been changing when you stopped, huh?"

It's obviously an attempt to get my partner to say something that shifts fault. My partner hasn't responded at all, which I think is the right call, but I'm worried about what this guy might be telling the insurance company on his end.

Screenshots of every message are saved.

A few things I'm wondering:

  • Should we loop our carrier back in and tell them about the contact attempts?
  • Is there any reason the claim status would flip like that — is that normal?
  • Could what this guy is saying to adjusters actually change the outcome if my partner doesn't engage?

Any experience with something like this would really help right now.

14replies

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14 replies

  • 9
    brave-marten-431

    We went through almost the exact same thing after my husband's accident last year. The other party's family member kept "just checking in" and every single message was a subtle attempt to get him to hedge on the details. We reported the contact to our adjuster immediately and it actually helped — they noted it in the file and told us to stop communicating with anyone on the other side entirely. Definitely tell your carrier what's happening.

    • 0
      weary-dreamer250

      Appreciate the detailed write-up. Saving this for later.

  • 7
    hearty-kestrel-043

    That claim status flip is a huge red flag to me. Someone on the other side said something to the adjuster — probably the brother-in-law — and now they're trying to manufacture a "he said/she said" situation. Adjusters love ambiguity because it gives them wiggle room to reduce or split liability. Don't let your partner explain ANYTHING to this person. Not one word. The only story that matters now is the one your partner already gave on record.

  • 19
    keen-grouse-185

    I used to work claims and I can tell you exactly why the status changed: somebody filed a dispute or gave a conflicting statement. That's almost automatic — as soon as there's a contradictory account the file goes back to investigation regardless of how clear-cut the facts looked before.

    The good news is that your screenshots of these contact attempts are genuinely useful. Forward them to your adjuster with a note saying you're documenting unsolicited outreach from a third party. It signals that the other side is nervous, and experienced adjusters pick up on that. It won't win the case by itself but it adds context.

    • 5
      careful-rider936

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 10
    swift-crane-993

    A few practical things worth knowing: your partner has zero obligation to speak with anyone connected to the other driver — family, friends, nobody. All communication legally should go through the carriers. If the contact continues or escalates, that could actually qualify as harassment depending on your state, especially after explicit requests to stop. Keep a simple log — date, time, number, what was said — even just in a notes app. That record matters if this ever goes further.

    • 8
      patient-dreamer403

      Solid advice. Getting it in writing is the part most people skip.

  • 19
    bright-grouse-110

    Not legal advice, but this pattern — third-party contact after a claim is filed, especially through alternate numbers after being blocked — is something any PI attorney would want to know about right away. It suggests the other side is worried about liability and trying to informally influence the outcome outside the official process. If you haven't already, a free consult with an attorney costs you nothing and gives you a clearer picture of where you stand. Just don't let your partner respond to any of those messages in the meantime.

    • 5
      tired-commuter496

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

    • 0
      mellow-late-shift311

      Took me three tries but they finally budged. Don't give up.

  • 4
    quiet-newt-247

    Stop the back-and-forth. Your partner: silent. You: call your adjuster today, tell them about the contact, send the screenshots. That's the whole to-do list. Anything else is noise.

    • 5
      hopeful-wanderer785

      Going through something similar right now. Did following up actually move the needle for you?

  • 17
    swift-dove-871

    This sounds so stressful, I'm sorry you're both dealing with it on top of everything else from the accident itself. The fact that he's using different numbers after being blocked says a lot about what his actual intentions are. You're doing the right thing by not engaging — just make sure your partner knows none of this is their fault and they don't owe this person a single response.

  • 12
    brave-swift-289

    Quick question — did your partner give a recorded statement to your own carrier already? And do you know whether the other driver has filed a claim through her own insurance or if she's going through yours directly? The claim pathway matters a lot here for understanding why the status changed. Not doubting your account at all, just want to make sure we're all looking at the full picture before assuming the worst.