The Shoulder
The Shoulder
65
Car accidentscurious-kestrel-179

Nobody warned me the mental part of recovering from a crash would be this hard

I don't even know how to start this so I'll just say it — I was in a pretty serious collision about six weeks ago. A truck ran a red light and hit the driver's side while my seven-year-old was in the back seat. He walked away with a bruised shoulder. I ended up with a shattered wrist that needed surgery and pins, and apparently I lost consciousness at the scene, though I don't remember that part at all.

Here's the thing nobody talks about: the physical stuff is awful but I kind of expected that. What I did NOT expect was my brain doing whatever it's doing right now. I'll be doing something totally normal — washing dishes, folding laundry — and suddenly I'm just... back there. Heart pounding, hands shaking. Sometimes it's not even a full memory, it's more like a feeling or a sound. The crunch. I don't know if that counts as a flashback or if my mind is just filling in blanks because I blacked out.

I feel like I can't talk to anyone in my life about it. My partner is already stretched so thin holding everything together while I can't drive or do much with my right hand. My mom gets visibly upset when I bring anything up, so I end up comforting HER. My friends check in but I can tell they want to hear "I'm getting better" not the real answer.

I finally got a therapist referral but the earliest appointment is two months out. Two months feels like forever right now.

I'm not in crisis. I'm not falling apart. I'm actually pretty determined to get through this. I just need somewhere to put these feelings where they won't scare anyone.

Does it get better? Did anyone else go through this kind of mental fog after a crash?

15replies

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15 replies

  • 20
    candid-wolf-759

    Two months is too long to white-knuckle it. Call your insurance (your own, not theirs) and ask if your policy includes an EAP or mental health benefit — sometimes there are crisis or short-term counseling sessions buried in there that people never use. Also look up EMDR therapists in your area specifically; they often have cancellation slots and that modality works really well for exactly the kind of crash trauma you're describing.

  • 19
    clear-newt-972

    Not legal advice, but — what you're describing (intrusive memories, sleep disruption, anxiety following a traumatic crash) often falls under documented psychological harm that's part of a personal injury claim. The at-fault driver's truck running a red light sounds like clear liability. The mental health component of your damages is just as legitimate as the wrist surgery. Worth at least a free consultation with a PI attorney before you settle anything. Most don't charge unless they win.

  • 18
    sharp-raven-879

    Seconding the documentation advice above. I used to work on the insurance side and I'll tell you honestly — psychological injury claims get scrutinized hard. Not because they're not real, but because they're easier to dispute without records. Keep a simple log: date, what happened (nightmare, panic moment, whatever), how long it lasted, how it affected your day. Even just two sentences per entry. That record can matter a lot later.

    • 1
      steady-passenger260

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?

  • 17
    hearty-grouse-253

    You said you're determined to get better and honestly that attitude matters more than people realize. The fact that you're naming what's happening, reaching out, and already have a therapist lined up — that's not nothing. A lot of people in your position just white-knuckle it alone and never get support at all. You're ahead of where you think you are.

    • 2
      weary-commuter594

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 11
    wise-crane-353

    What you're describing — the intrusive sensory memories, the physical anxiety response, filling in gaps around a period of unconsciousness — that's really common after traumatic events, especially ones involving loss of consciousness. Your brain is literally trying to process something it didn't get to fully experience in real time. Two months is a long wait for a therapist. In the meantime, ask your primary care doc or whoever is managing your surgical follow-up if they can refer you to a social worker or a hospital-based counselor. Sometimes those have shorter waitlists than private therapists. You're not rambling — you're describing real symptoms that deserve real support.

    • 8
      careful-survivor193

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 10
    calm-elk-209

    Make sure you're documenting all of this — the sleep issues, the anxiety, the nightmares — somewhere with dates. Whether it's a journal app or just voice memos to yourself. The mental and emotional impact of an accident is very real and very compensable, but adjusters love to act like it doesn't exist if you can't show a paper trail. Don't let them minimize what you're going through just because there's no X-ray for it.

    • 6
      weathered-overpass690

      Did the timeline change anything for you? Mine dragged on for weeks.

  • 10
    candid-marten-527

    Quick question — are you currently on any pain meds from the surgery? Asking because some of them can seriously mess with sleep architecture and intensify the nightmare/anxiety cycle in ways people don't always connect. Not saying that's all this is, clearly it's not, but it might be worth flagging to your surgeon if you are.

    • 4
      kind-wanderer243

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?

  • 9
    plain-tern-219

    The dish-washing thing hit me hard because that was exactly me. Six months out from my accident and I still have moments in the kitchen where I just freeze. What helped me was giving the feeling a name when it happened — literally saying out loud "that's my nervous system, not reality." Sounds silly but it gave me a tiny bit of distance from it. You are so not alone in this.

    • 9
      cool-grouse-062

      I just want to say — the fact that you're holding so much in to protect everyone else around you while YOU'RE the one who got hurt? That's so heavy. Please don't disappear into taking care of other people's feelings about your trauma. Your feelings matter most here.

    • 0
      kind-traveler194

      That lines up with what my adjuster told me too.