The Shoulder
The Shoulder
55
Car accidentshearty-dove-929

Lost my daughter in a crash 2 years ago — trying to get the accident report & evidence, keep hitting walls

I'm not sure if anyone else has been through this but I'm at my wit's end and just need to talk to people who might understand.

My daughter was killed in a crash almost two years ago. A truck ran a red light and hit her driver's side door. The whole thing has been a nightmare I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I've been trying to get copies of everything — the official crash report, dashcam footage from nearby businesses, photos the responding officers took at the scene. I feel like I need to see what happened. Part of it is closure. Part of it is that her case is still open and I want to make sure nothing gets swept under the rug.

Here's where I keep running into walls:

  • The police department sent me a letter saying certain materials are "part of an ongoing investigation" and can't be released yet
  • One business near the intersection said their camera footage already gets overwritten after 30 days (I requested way too late, I didn't know)
  • The state DMV crash records office has a 6–8 week wait just to tell me if they have what I'm asking for

I'm not trying to be morbid. I just feel like this is her story and I deserve to know it. Has anyone navigated this kind of thing? Is there a formal appeal process if they deny a records request? Does it actually work?

Any guidance from people who've been through something like this would mean the world to me right now. I feel so alone in this process.

12replies

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12 replies

  • 22
    curious-bison-313

    From my time in the industry — the police report is usually the single most important document in these cases. Once it's released, get multiple certified copies immediately. The narrative section and the officer's fault determination can shape everything downstream. Also, if the truck driver was working for a company at the time, that company's insurer has likely already done their own investigation and has a file. Just something to keep in mind.

    • 4
      thankful-late-shift410

      Adding this: keep copies of every email. It mattered for me.

  • 17
    quick-otter-098

    I went through something similar after losing my brother. The "ongoing investigation" hold is real and can last longer than anyone tells you upfront. What finally worked for me was filing a formal public records request in writing — not just calling and asking — and citing my state's specific open records law by name. Once I did that they had to respond on a timeline. It took months but I eventually got most of what I asked for. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    • 11
      tidy-bison-618

      First, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. A few things that might help: Every state has a public records or Freedom of Information process, and if a request is denied you typically have the right to appeal in writing within a set window — usually 30 to 60 days from the denial letter. Keep every piece of correspondence you receive, including envelopes with postmarks. If the case is still under active investigation, some materials are legitimately exempt until it closes — but you can ask them to specify exactly which exemption they're citing. That forces them to be precise and sometimes narrows what's actually being withheld.

    • 8
      swift-swift-212

      I know this feels impossible right now, but the fact that you're asking the right questions and pushing for answers means you're already ahead of where a lot of families end up. There are advocates — victim assistance organizations, some nonprofits — who specifically help families navigate records requests after a fatality. You don't have to figure all of this out alone.

  • 11
    tidy-raven-844

    Not legal advice, but in cases involving a fatality with a potential civil claim, an attorney can sometimes obtain evidence through the discovery process that a private citizen can't easily access through public records. A personal injury or wrongful death attorney could potentially subpoena dashcam footage, witness statements, and officer notes. Many work on contingency so there's no upfront cost. Worth at least a consultation. Again, not legal advice — just something worth knowing.

  • 7
    humble-badger-076

    One thing to watch out for — if there's an insurance claim or civil case involved, be careful about what you share with adjusters while you're still gathering this information. They will use anything you say to shape their version of events. Get everything you need first before talking to anyone on that side.

    • 8
      mellow-mile-marker327

      Thank you both, this gave me the push I needed to make the call.

    • 5
      kind-walker257

      That lines up with what my adjuster told me too.

  • 5
    clever-wolf-100

    File the appeal the moment you get a denial letter — don't wait. Appeals have hard deadlines and missing them can close doors permanently. You can write the appeal yourself, you don't need a lawyer for that part. State clearly what you're requesting, why you're entitled to it, and ask them to identify the specific legal basis for any continued withholding. Keep it factual and firm.

    • 7
      patient-traveler998

      Thanks for sharing. Hope things are getting a little easier for you.

  • 3
    cool-finch-513

    I just want to say I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to fight this hard just to know what happened to your own child. The fact that you're pushing through all of this while grieving shows how much you loved her. Please don't give up.