The Shoulder
The Shoulder
69
Car accidentspatient-sparrow-121

Had my first accident last week and I can't stop replaying it in my head — is this normal?

I'm still in shock honestly. Last Thursday I was driving home from an early morning shift, totally exhausted, and I drifted out of my lane on a two-lane road. By the time I snapped back to reality I was already half off the shoulder and overcorrected. My car spun out and slammed into a concrete barrier on the opposite side. Nobody else was involved thank god, but my car is pretty beat up.

I'm 20 years old and this was my first accident ever. The car is a hand-me-down from my parents — older, high mileage — and my insurance company is already hinting that repair costs might push it into "total loss" territory. I don't even fully understand what that means for me yet or what I'm supposed to do next.

The physical stuff is manageable — some neck stiffness and a bruised shoulder — but honestly the mental side is way worse than I expected. I keep waking up at night seeing the barrier coming at me. I feel crushing guilt even though no one else got hurt. I keep thinking I caused this, I was being reckless, and I can't shake it.

Is this a normal reaction? Has anyone else gone through this after their first accident? I feel like I'm going a little crazy. And if anyone has dealt with the total loss situation on an older car, I'd love to know what to expect because I genuinely have no idea how any of this works.

Any advice or just... solidarity would mean a lot right now.

14replies

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14 replies

  • 22
    wise-mole-405

    Since you mentioned neck stiffness and a shoulder bruise, make sure you're documenting everything medically even if it feels minor right now. Keep all your records, any bills, and write down a personal account of how you've been feeling physically and emotionally since the accident while it's fresh. If symptoms linger or worsen, that documentation becomes really important. Also get a copy of the accident report if you haven't already.

    • 1
      hopeful-passenger248

      Going through something similar right now. Did following up actually move the needle for you?

  • 19
    warm-seal-376

    The mental replay is SO real. I had my first accident about two years ago — rear-ended someone on the highway — and I swear for two weeks straight I would just randomly re-live the moment of impact. Felt like my brain refused to file it away. It does get better, but give yourself actual permission to feel awful right now. You're not going crazy, your nervous system just had a traumatic event and it's processing. Be patient with yourself.

    • 6
      honest-driver873

      Solid advice. Getting it in writing is the part most people skip.

  • 19
    quick-lynx-226

    On the total loss question — when an older, high-mileage car gets into a significant accident, adjusters will pull the Actual Cash Value (ACV), which is basically what your car was worth on the market the day before the crash, not what it would cost to replace it with something newer. If repair costs come close to or exceed that number, they'll total it. The payout can feel low and sometimes is low. You're allowed to push back on their valuation — look up comparable vehicles in your area and present that if the number seems off. Don't just accept the first offer.

  • 18
    calm-stoat-040

    Just a heads up — if they do total it, don't let them rush you into signing off on a settlement before you've actually figured out what a comparable replacement would cost you. Adjusters have quotas and timelines. Your timeline matters more than theirs.

    • 9
      tired-traveler709

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?

  • 10
    hearty-crane-592

    What you're describing — the intrusive replaying, disrupted sleep, the guilt spiral — those are really textbook acute stress responses after a traumatic event. Completely normal neurologically. That said, if it's still happening intensely after a few weeks, please don't brush it off. Short-term therapy (even just a session or two) can make a huge difference. Also, that neck stiffness and shoulder bruising? Get it properly checked out even if it seems minor. Soft tissue injuries have a sneaky way of getting worse before they get better.

    • 7
      careful-dove-294

      You walked away. No one else was involved. At 20 years old you now have a lesson locked in that most people don't learn until something much worse happens. The guilt is real but so is the fact that this story has a good ending. That matters.

  • 10
    gentle-lynx-502

    I just want to say — you're being really hard on yourself. You're okay, no one else got hurt, and you clearly already learned from it. That guilt you're carrying sounds exhausting. Please talk to someone you trust, even just to say it all out loud.

    • 3
      thankful-offramp540

      Did the timeline change anything for you? Mine dragged on for weeks.

  • 9
    quick-crow-519

    Two things: 1) See a doctor for that neck and shoulder this week, not next week. 2) Start researching replacement car options now so you're not scrambling if they do total it. Don't wait for the insurance process to push you into a rushed decision on a new vehicle. Get ahead of it while you have a little time.

    • 7
      gentle-commuter939

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 5
    bold-heron-662

    When you say neck stiffness — did you get checked out at the ER or urgent care right after, or are you just waiting it out? Asking because if you didn't get evaluated immediately it can complicate things later if it turns out to be more than just soreness. Not judging, just want to know if you have any medical documentation started.