The Shoulder
The Shoulder
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Insurancehearty-wolf-004

Guy whose car I tapped hasn't responded in 10 days — just wait or call insurance now?

So I feel a little silly posting this but I'm genuinely unsure what to do.

About a week and a half ago I clipped the rear quarter panel of a parked car in a tight parking garage — my fault, no question. The owner happened to be walking up right as it happened, which was awkward but honestly kind of a relief. We exchanged info right there, took photos together, the whole thing. Damage looked pretty cosmetic — some paint transfer and a small dent.

Because it looked minor, I floated the idea of just handling it privately so neither of us had to deal with insurance. He seemed into that. We texted a few times over the next couple days — he mentioned a couple of body shops he was thinking about and I said I just wanted a fair estimate from somewhere reputable.

Then... nothing. I sent a follow-up text about ten days ago asking if he'd gotten any numbers. No reply. Tried once more a few days later. Still nothing.

Part of me wonders if he got an estimate that was way higher than expected and he's embarrassed to send it, or maybe he just decided it wasn't worth the hassle and moved on. But another part of me is paranoid he's going to pop back up six months from now with some claim I have no control over.

Do I just keep waiting? Do I loop in my insurance company now even though nothing has technically been filed? I don't want a claim on my record if I don't need one, but I also don't want to be caught off guard later. Has anyone dealt with something like this?

11replies

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11 replies

  • 22
    bright-newt-380

    I'd be careful with the 'just wait and see' approach. The tricky thing about private settlements is that the other person can change their mind at any point and decide to go through insurance after all — sometimes way later than you'd expect. If that happens, you want your insurer to at least know the incident occurred, because finding out from a third-party claim out of nowhere looks worse than you self-reporting. Not saying file a claim, but maybe a quick 'heads up' call to your insurer to document the incident might not hurt.

  • 18
    tidy-lynx-796

    Former auto adjuster here. What you're describing is actually pretty common — the other party cools off, gets a scary estimate, and then doesn't know how to bring it back up. Or they genuinely moved on.

    Here's the thing though: most policies require you to report accidents 'promptly,' and the definition of that varies. If a claim comes in from the other side down the road, your insurer will ask when you knew about it. Calling to just notify — not file a claim — is usually an option, and it protects your timeline without necessarily triggering a full claim. Worth a quick call to ask your insurer what their process is for that.

    • 10
      careful-passenger174

      This is really helpful — thank you for posting it.

  • 17
    plain-dove-000

    Not legal advice, but the private settlement approach — while totally understandable — does leave you in a bit of a gray zone. The other party hasn't released any claims in writing, so your exposure isn't technically zero. At minimum I'd suggest sending one final text (or even a short email if you have it) summarizing what was discussed and confirming you're still willing to work something out. That creates a record. Beyond that, a quick call to your insurer to ask about 'notice without claim' options is worth it. Most carriers have a process for that.

  • 16
    bright-newt-997

    Almost the exact same thing happened to me — I bumped someone's car in a shopping center, we agreed to keep it private, and then the other person went completely silent for almost three weeks. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. They eventually texted back with a totally reasonable estimate and we settled it without insurance. Sometimes people just get busy or lose the urgency once the adrenaline wears off. That said, I totally get the anxiety.

    • 8
      patient-tern-811

      Honestly the uncertainty would drive me crazy too. Even if nothing ever comes of it, not knowing is its own kind of stress. I hope he just lost interest and moved on — sounds like you handled it as responsibly as you could from the start.

    • 3
      weathered-offramp554

      Saving this whole thread. Really appreciate the honesty here.

  • 16
    careful-stoat-548

    Quick question — did you actually get his full name and contact info, or just a phone number? Because if the number stops responding and you don't have more than that, you might have very little recourse if something does come up on your insurance unexpectedly. Just want to make sure you have enough to actually track this if needed.

  • 10
    silent-mole-614

    Notify your insurance company that the incident happened. You don't have to file a formal claim, just document it. Then stop texting the other guy — you've reached out twice, that's enough. The ball is in his court. You've done the right things.

    • 6
      weathered-co-pilot221

      Adding this: keep copies of every email. It mattered for me.

  • 9
    mellow-newt-968

    Just to flag something — statutes of limitations for property damage claims vary by state, and in some places the other party has longer than you'd think to pursue something. The silence now doesn't necessarily close the door on them. Keeping your own records is really important: save every text, keep the photos, note the dates of all your contact attempts. If something does come up later, that paper trail matters more than people realize.