The Shoulder
The Shoulder
69
daring-finch-478

Drunk driver destroyed my body at 31 and I don't know how to cope mentally

I don't even know where to start. About a month ago some guy blew through a red light completely hammered at like 2 in the afternoon and slammed into the passenger side of my car. I was the passenger.

The list of what's broken feels unreal when I say it out loud: my right collarbone, three ribs on my left side, and I have a pretty severe fracture in my left wrist that needed surgical hardware. The worst part is my right ankle — they're telling me no weight-bearing for at least eight weeks. So even though my upper body is slowly healing, I literally cannot get myself anywhere.

I'm staying at my parents' house right now because I cannot live alone. I'm 31 years old and my mom is helping me shower. My dad has to help me get to the bathroom. I grew up and moved out at 19, I've been completely independent my whole adult life, and now I'm back in my childhood bedroom needing help with the most basic human stuff. It's humiliating even though I know it shouldn't be. They're being so kind about it and that almost makes it worse somehow.

I keep beating myself up because I feel like I should be doing more — stretching, moving around, being more positive. But I'm exhausted from pain by like noon and then I just lie there staring at the ceiling feeling sorry for myself.

The driver was charged with DUI but I don't really understand what that means for my situation going forward, insurance-wise or otherwise. I have so many questions and so much anxiety and honestly I just needed to type this out somewhere.

Does it get better? Does the mental part get easier? Because right now it feels like my whole life just stopped.

19replies

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19 replies

  • 21
    kind-fox-852

    Jumping on what the person above said. I used to work in claims and early contact from the other driver's carrier is almost always about getting you on record before you fully understand your injuries. With something like an eight-week no-weight-bearing situation, you genuinely don't know yet how this ends. Soft-tissue stuff can linger, complications happen. You have time. Don't let anyone pressure you into settling or signing while you're still in the thick of it.

    • 0
      mellow-offramp409

      This thread is gold. Thanks everyone.

  • 18
    sharp-sparrow-555

    I could have written parts of this myself two years ago. Different injuries but the same feeling of your life just... pausing while everyone else keeps going. The dependence on family was the hardest part for me emotionally. What I can tell you is that the shame about needing help does fade — not all at once, but it fades. You didn't do anything wrong. Some guy made a terrible choice and your body is paying for it. Be patient with yourself, even when that feels impossible.

  • 16
    keen-badger-523

    The mental part is so real and I feel like nobody talks about it enough. You went through something traumatic and your brain is processing that at the same time your body is trying to heal. That's just a lot. Is there any way to get someone to talk to — like a counselor or therapist, even virtually? I don't think you should have to white-knuckle the emotional side of this alone.

    • 6
      weary-commuter479

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 16
    keen-sparrow-832

    Do you have your own insurance with uninsured/underinsured coverage? And do you know yet what the drunk driver's policy limits look like? Asking because those details end up mattering a lot and people often don't find out until later that there's a gap. Worth looking into sooner rather than later.

    • 8
      kind-commuter231

      Solid advice. Getting it in writing is the part most people skip.

    • 1
      soft-spoken-backseat600

      Did the timeline change anything for you? Mine dragged on for weeks.

  • 11
    candid-swift-420

    Please please please stop being hard on yourself about not doing more. Your body is doing an enormous amount of work right now just keeping up with the healing — bone repair alone burns a crazy amount of energy and resources. The exhaustion you feel by midday isn't weakness, it's completely normal and honestly expected with your injury load. Rest IS the work right now. When your care team clears you for more movement, your body will tell you. Until then, being still is part of getting better.

    • 7
      honest-passenger390

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?

  • 11
    tidy-heron-325

    I know this is brutal right now but — you're alive, you have family who showed up for you, and the person who did this is facing real consequences. None of that makes the ceiling-staring easier, I get it. But sometimes just naming the things that are going right, even small ones, helps a tiny bit. Rooting for you.

    • 8
      kind-wanderer429

      This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.

    • 4
      level-road-soul206

      Saving this whole thread. Really appreciate the honesty here.

  • 9
    quick-owl-774

    Not legal advice, but with a DUI involved there are typically both a civil insurance claim and a criminal case running parallel. Those are separate tracks and one doesn't necessarily depend on the other. It can actually be worth understanding how they interact before you make any decisions about your claim. A lot of PI attorneys do free consultations and won't charge unless you recover something — might be worth at least a conversation just to understand your options. You're not locked into anything by asking questions.

    • 9
      curious-survivor902

      Curious whether you did this on your own or had help with it.

  • 8
    patient-crow-410

    One thing I'd flag — if the at-fault driver's insurance company reaches out to you wanting a recorded statement or trying to get you to sign anything, don't do it. Especially not this early when you don't even have a full picture of your recovery timeline yet. They move fast and they're not on your side.

    • 5
      quiet-walker991

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 6
    spry-bison-960

    Document everything. Every appointment, every prescription, every day you can't work, every thing you need help with. Take photos of anything visible. Keep a simple notes-app journal if you can. You don't have to know exactly what you're going to do with it yet — just collect it. Future you will thank present you for having a paper trail when the time comes to figure out next steps.

    • 6
      careful-driver366

      Solid advice. Getting it in writing is the part most people skip.