The Shoulder
The Shoulder
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Car accidentssteady-raven-344

Driving again after my crash felt impossible — how did you all push through the anxiety?

Not sure if this is the right place for this but honestly I need to hear from people who get it, because my friends and family keep saying 'just get back out there' and that is NOT helpful.

Back in the spring I got rear-ended pretty hard while sitting at a red light. The person behind me was going full speed — never even touched their brakes. My car got pushed into the intersection. Physically I came away with whiplash and some soft tissue stuff in my neck and upper back. Annoying and painful but I'm managing.

The mental part though? Nobody warned me about that.

I used to actually enjoy driving. Now every single time a car comes up behind me at a light I white-knuckle the steering wheel and my heart starts hammering. I've had to pull over twice because I felt like I was going to pass out. I avoid highway on-ramps now entirely. I turned down a job opportunity because the commute involved a stretch of road I wasn't comfortable with. That one really stings.

I've been to two therapy sessions but my therapist doesn't really specialize in trauma — she keeps giving me breathing exercises that feel useless in the moment when I'm actually behind the wheel.

I'm also still dealing with the insurance claim which I think is making everything worse? Like I can't close the chapter mentally because the whole thing is still unresolved.

Did any of you go through this? Did it get better? How long did it take? And is there anything that actually worked for you — not just coping but like, genuinely improving? I really miss feeling normal.

12replies

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12 replies

  • 16
    kind-grouse-370

    Oh my gosh, this could have been written by me six months ago. I was rear-ended too and the anxiety afterward completely blindsided me. The thing that actually helped me was finding a therapist who specifically does EMDR — it's a trauma-focused approach and it worked way better than generic breathing stuff. I'm not 100% back to normal but I can merge on the highway again without crying so that's something. It does get better, I promise.

  • 9
    curious-kestrel-986

    What you're describing — the heart racing, feeling like you might pass out, avoidance behaviors — those are really classic signs of acute stress response or even early PTSD. It's a physiological reaction, not weakness, and it's incredibly common after accidents even ones that look 'minor' on paper. Please don't let anyone minimize it. I'd strongly second looking for a therapist who does trauma-specific work (EMDR or somatic therapy both have solid research behind them for exactly this). Your brain is trying to protect you — it just needs some help recalibrating.

    • 7
      calm-driver527

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

    • 7
      thankful-offramp161

      Took me three tries but they finally budged. Don't give up.

  • 19
    daring-raven-391

    Turning down a job because of it — that hit me hard. I can't imagine how frustrating that must feel on top of everything else. You're not being dramatic, this is a real thing that happened to your body and your brain and it makes complete sense that you're struggling. Rooting for you so much.

  • 18
    wise-badger-301

    The fact that you're naming it, talking about it, and already in therapy even if it's not the perfect fit yet — that's honestly more self-awareness than a lot of people have. You're not stuck, you're just not there yet. The job thing hurts now but you'll get to a place where that's not a barrier anymore.

    • 9
      kind-tern-245

      From a practical standpoint, if the open insurance claim is feeding the anxiety loop (which honestly makes total sense — it's keeping you in limbo), you might want to look into whether having legal representation could speed up the resolution. I've seen cases drag on way longer than they should when someone is dealing directly with an adjuster alone, especially for soft tissue and psych impact claims which adjusters love to lowball or delay. Not pushing anything, just something worth knowing about.

  • 20
    brave-badger-268

    I want to gently flag something — the anxiety, the avoidance, the impact on your work life, that's all part of your damages. If your claim is still open, make sure whoever is handling it knows the full picture of how this has affected your daily functioning. Adjusters are not going to ask you about mental and emotional impact. You have to bring it up and document it.

  • 19
    sharp-swift-159

    Seconding what was said above. When I worked in claims, psychological impact was almost never factored in unless someone specifically raised it and had documentation — like therapy records or a doctor noting anxiety symptoms. If you've told your doctor about the driving anxiety and the panic symptoms, great. If not, bring it up at your next appointment and get it in your medical record before your claim closes. Once it's closed it's really hard to revisit.

  • 9
    clever-mole-103

    Two things: one, get a new therapist who does actual trauma work, your current one isn't the right tool for this job. Two, short daily exposure drives — like literally just to the end of the street and back — helped me more than any mental exercise. You have to retrain your nervous system with actual driving, just in very small controlled doses. It's uncomfortable but it works.

    • 5
      calm-wanderer200

      Going through something similar right now. Did following up actually move the needle for you?

  • 16
    cool-raven-379

    How long ago did this happen? And are you still in physical pain or has that mostly resolved? I ask because in my experience the anxiety was tied pretty directly to the physical symptoms — every twinge in my neck reminded my brain we were in danger. When the physical stuff calmed down the mental piece followed. Not saying that's your situation but it might be worth thinking about whether those two things are connected for you.