The Shoulder
The Shoulder
42
patient-otter-857

Doctors kept saying I was 'lucky to be here' — now I'm home and don't know what to do with that

I don't really know how to start this so bear with me.

About two months ago I was in a really bad intersection collision — the kind where first responders apparently made comments to each other that my family later repeated back to me. Things like "we weren't sure what we were going to find" and "you've got somebody watching over you." My sister told me the hospital called the family using the phrase "you should come now" and that's — yeah. That's a lot to sit with.

I've been home for a few weeks doing outpatient PT and mostly just... existing. Physically I'm banged up but recovering. Mentally I feel like I'm walking around inside a question mark.

Last week I finally let myself look at photos someone took of my car at the scene. I genuinely cannot reconcile what I'm looking at with the fact that I'm sitting here typing this. The passenger compartment looked — I don't have a better word — consumed. My PT actually paused when I showed her and just went quiet for a second.

I'm not super spiritual. I don't have a clean framework for processing "you probably shouldn't have made it." I'm grateful, obviously, but grateful feels weirdly small for whatever this is?

Has anyone else been through something like this — the physical recovery is sort of underway but the mental/emotional part feels like it's in a totally different timezone? How did you even start dealing with it? Did it get less strange?

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10 replies

  • 8
    humble-dove-419

    Yes. God, yes. I remember being discharged and thinking — everyone around me was so relieved and I just felt like I was floating two feet above my own life. The car photos hit different when you're the one who was inside it. For me it took a solid four or five months before the strangeness started to quiet down a little. It didn't disappear, it just became something I could carry instead of something carrying me. You're not alone in this at all.

    • 1
      plainspoken-late-shift566

      Thank you both, this gave me the push I needed to make the call.

  • 17
    bold-crow-934

    What you're describing — that disconnect between physical recovery and emotional processing — is really common after high-severity trauma, and it often hits hardest after you're home, when the adrenaline and the hospital routine are both gone. Please bring this up with your primary care doctor if you haven't already. Not because something is wrong with you, but because there's actual support (like trauma-focused therapy) that can help make this feel less like you're going crazy. Your brain went through something enormous. It needs recovery time too.

  • 7
    clever-crow-816

    I'm not going through anything close to this but I just wanted to say — the way you described "grateful feels weirdly small" really got me. That's such an honest and human thing to say. I hope you keep talking about it, here or anywhere. You deserve space to process this out loud.

  • 20
    warm-owl-796

    I know this probably sounds hollow right now, but the fact that the strangeness bothers you — that you're sitting with it and asking questions — that feels like a healthy sign to me. People who just shut it away entirely tend to have it come roaring back later. You're already doing the hard thing.

    • 3
      kind-wanderer481

      Solid advice. Getting it in writing is the part most people skip.

  • 15
    humble-bison-043

    Practical suggestion: stop looking at the car photos for now. I mean it. There's no insight in there that's going to help you heal faster, and every time you go back to them you're just retraumatizing yourself. Give your nervous system a break from trying to solve an equation that doesn't have an answer.

  • 11
    clear-bison-025

    Not trying to be harsh here — genuinely asking — are you getting any mental health support right now, or just the PT? Because the physical stuff has a clear roadmap but it sounds like the emotional piece is just kind of... freestanding with no structure around it. That gap seems like the real issue worth addressing.

    • 7
      candid-finch-794

      Not legal advice, but — if the collision was caused by another driver, please don't let the emotional fog of recovery cause you to miss any deadlines around the legal side of things. Statute of limitations varies by state and two months in is still early, but it moves faster than people expect. The mental and emotional suffering you're describing is also compensable in a personal injury claim. Just something to be aware of while you focus on healing.

    • 0
      tired-dreamer793

      Curious whether you did this on your own or had help with it.