The Shoulder
The Shoulder
53
Car accidentsclever-finch-906

The crash took my body. The aftermath is taking everything else. I'm drowning.

I don't even know how to start this. I've never posted anything like this publicly before but I genuinely have nowhere else to put it right now.

About two months ago a driver ran a red light at full speed and plowed into the driver's side of my car. Witnesses said he never even slowed down. The first responders at the scene told my sister — who showed up before the ambulance left — that a few more inches and I probably wouldn't have made it. I think about that constantly.

Physically I'm dealing with a TBI, two cracked ribs that are mostly healed now, and nerve damage down my left arm that nobody seems to have a clear answer about yet. But honestly? The physical stuff almost feels easier to talk about than the rest of it.

I used to be the person in my friend group who kept everyone's spirits up. I planned things. I checked in on people. I was present. Now I stare at my phone for an hour and can't make myself respond to a single text. My partner is doing everything around the house and I can see how exhausted they are and I just feel this crushing guilt on top of everything else.

I have a history of anxiety and depression that was mostly managed before this. Now it's like the crash knocked the door off the hinges and everything I'd kept contained is just... out. My sleep is completely broken. I'm snapping at people I love. I cried for 45 minutes yesterday because I couldn't remember a word I was trying to say.

I guess I'm posting because I need to know — did anyone else feel like the mental recovery was somehow harder than the physical? And did it actually get better? Because right now I really can't see it.

12replies

Not sure what your claim is worth?

AskMatlock can connect you with an independent injury lawyer for a free case check — no pressure, no cost to start.

Check my case

0 / 4000 · posted under a randomly assigned handle

12 replies

  • 24
    clever-wolf-090

    What you're describing — the memory gaps, the word retrieval issues, the emotional swings, the broken sleep — these are textbook TBI symptoms and they are real, they are documented, and they are not you just being weak or dramatic. TBIs are invisible injuries and that makes them so much harder to navigate because you look fine on the outside. Please make sure whoever is managing your TBI care knows the full picture of what's happening, including the mental health piece, because it all interacts. And please be gentle with yourself the way you would be with someone else going through this.

    • 5
      steady-parent721

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?

  • 19
    mellow-kestrel-326

    One thing I really want to flag: if you haven't already, please start documenting everything you just described — the cognitive symptoms, the sleep issues, the emotional changes — in writing, with dates. A journal, notes app, whatever. Insurance companies love to argue that psychological and cognitive injuries aren't 'real' or aren't connected to the crash. Your own consistent record of what you're experiencing, written close to when it happens, is evidence. Don't let them minimize this later.

    • 20
      clear-finch-351

      I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but the fact that you can articulate what's happening to you this clearly — the isolation, the guilt, the cognitive symptoms — means some part of you is still fighting to understand it and get through it. That awareness is actually something to hold onto. You haven't gone quiet on yourself even when you've gone quiet on everyone else. That matters.

    • 10
      curious-commuter833

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 18
    clever-badger-394

    Are you currently working with anyone specifically for the TBI — like a neurologist or neuropsych, not just a GP? I ask because some of what you're describing could have different causes and it really matters that someone is actually digging into it rather than just treating symptoms in isolation. Also has anyone assessed whether your sleep issues are contributing to the cognitive stuff? Sleep deprivation after a brain injury can make everything dramatically worse.

  • 14
    bright-finch-033

    Two practical things: First, make sure you have everything in writing from every doctor you've seen. Request your own copies of all records. Second, don't give a recorded statement to any insurance adjuster — yours or theirs — without understanding what it could be used for. The mental health and cognitive stuff you're dealing with is part of your injury and it deserves to be taken seriously in any settlement conversation.

    • 3
      quiet-commuter281

      That lines up with what my adjuster told me too.

  • 9
    keen-grouse-159

    Not legal advice, but what you're describing — a TBI with documented cognitive effects plus significant psychological impact on your daily functioning and relationships — that's not a minor claim. 'Pain and suffering' in a legal context is supposed to account for exactly this kind of life disruption. If you haven't at least had a free consultation with a personal injury attorney, it might be worth it just so you understand your options. Many won't charge you anything unless they recover something for you.

  • 8
    quick-vole-551

    I could have written this myself about eight months ago. The cognitive stuff after my crash — the word-finding problems, the brain fog, the emotional dysregulation — it scared me way more than my physical injuries did. What helped me most was finally getting connected with a neuropsychologist who actually specialized in post-TBI stuff. Not just a general therapist, someone who understood the brain injury piece specifically. It took months but I genuinely am better than I was. Please don't give up on that possibility.

  • 3
    plain-stoat-987

    I'm so sorry. I just want to say — the fact that you're still here and still fighting this hard, even when you're exhausted, says so much about you. I know you can't feel that right now but I hope you can hold onto it somewhere.

    • 3
      careful-parent744

      Did you have to escalate, or did they come around after the first ask?