I caused a fender-bender and now I'm terrified they'll come after my house and savings

A couple of things worth knowing: first, homestead protections in many states mean your primary residence is partially or fully shielded from civil judgments — worth looking up your specific state's rules. Second, retirement accounts (401k, IRA) are often protected under federal or state law too. Taxable brokerage accounts are generally more exposed. None of this means you're safe, but your actual vulnerable assets might be narrower than you think. A 30-minute consult with a local attorney could map this out for your specific situation.

I can hear how stressed you are and honestly that makes sense — this is a scary position to be in even if you didn't mean any harm. But please don't spiral before you have more facts. You did the right thing by carrying real coverage and by following your insurer's guidance so far. Take it one step at a time.

Two things: stop Googling worst-case scenarios at 2am, and call an independent personal injury defense attorney for a one-time consult this week. Not instead of your insurer's lawyer — in addition. Spend a few hundred bucks to get clarity on your actual exposure given your state's asset protection laws. That peace of mind is worth it either way.

What are your actual policy limits? Because "not the bare minimum but not unlimited" is a huge range. The answer to your question is almost entirely dependent on that number relative to what her damages realistically look like. A prior back surgery with a subsequent low-speed impact could generate anywhere from a modest claim to a significant one depending on what treatment she's gotten since. More details would help people give you useful perspective here.

I was on the receiving end of a low-speed rear-end (I was the one who got hit), and I had pre-existing neck issues. My case settled within the other driver's policy. I'm not saying yours will, but from where I sat, my lawyer was very realistic that going above policy limits meant years of litigation and uncertain outcomes. Most attorneys don't want that fight unless the damages are enormous and crystal clear.

The thing that worries me for you is that your insurer's adjuster is also doing math right now. They're calculating whether it's cheaper to pay your full policy limit and close the file than to fight. If they decide to just tender the limits without your input and the plaintiff rejects it and gets a bigger verdict later... you could be on the hook for the difference. Make sure you understand what rights you have if your insurer makes decisions that expose you. Seriously, get a second opinion from your own lawyer before this goes further.

I worked claims for years. Here's the honest insider take: the vast majority of low-speed rear-end cases with soft tissue or spinal complaints — even with prior injuries — settle within policy limits. Plaintiffs' lawyers know that going to trial to chase personal assets is expensive, risky, and slow. They usually prefer a guaranteed payout. That said, "prior back surgery + exacerbation" claims can get expensive fast because surgical costs and future care projections inflate quickly. Your coverage level matters a lot here. If your limits are on the lower end, there's more exposure. If they're substantial, you're probably fine. Don't assume the worst yet.

Not legal advice, but this is actually a really smart question that most people in your position don't think to ask. The defense attorney your insurer assigned has a duty to defend you, but their client is technically the insurance company. If there's a real risk of an excess judgment — meaning a verdict above your policy limits — you may have grounds to hire a personal "excess coverage" attorney at your own expense to watch over the process and protect your personal assets. It's not paranoia, it's just recognizing that two parties can have slightly different interests. Talk to an independent PI defense lawyer for a consult.