The Shoulder
The Shoulder
55
Car accidentscurious-grouse-274

I caused the crash. I was at fault. I don't know how to live with that.

I need to say this somewhere anonymously because I can't say it out loud to anyone in my life right now.

I was the one who caused the accident. I made a bad decision and someone else got hurt because of it. Not seriously, thank god — they walked away — but it could have been so much worse and I know that. The image of their car spinning after I hit them doesn't leave me. I wake up with it.

I've never been in any kind of trouble before. Not even a parking ticket. Now I'm dealing with criminal proceedings, a civil claim from the other driver, and my insurance is already making noise about things I don't fully understand. My license is suspended. I had to tell my employer. Some of those conversations went about as badly as you'd expect.

I know I deserve consequences. I'm not looking for sympathy exactly. I just — I can't see past this moment. It feels like everything I built is gone and I'm only in my early 30s. People depend on me financially and I feel like I've let every single one of them down.

Has anyone been on this side of an accident and found a way through? How do you keep functioning when you're the one who caused the harm? I'm genuinely struggling and I don't want to do something stupid in a dark moment.

If you're going through something hard right now, please reach out to someone. I'm trying to take my own advice.

15replies

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15 replies

  • 13
    careful-bison-610

    I was on the other side — I was the one who got hit — but I just want to say that the person who hit me never once reached out or showed any remorse. Reading your post honestly made me emotional. The fact that you feel this deeply means something. You're not a monster. You made a mistake. Those are different things.

  • 15
    hearty-elk-812

    Please please please talk to someone before anything else. A counselor, a crisis line, a trusted friend — anyone. The legal stuff, the insurance stuff, all of it can be dealt with one step at a time. But you have to still be here for those steps. You said people depend on you. They need you present, not perfect.

    • 1
      kind-wanderer335

      Thanks for sharing. Hope things are getting a little easier for you.

  • 12
    cool-crow-579

    I work in trauma and I see both sides of accidents regularly. What you're describing — the intrusive images, the inability to see a future, the shame spiral — those are real psychological responses and they can get dangerous if left alone. Acute stress and guilt can be genuinely destabilizing. Please consider talking to a mental health professional soon, not as a luxury but as a necessity right now. Your brain is under serious strain.

    • 5
      level-mile-marker185

      Adding this: keep copies of every email. It mattered for me.

    • 9
      honest-optimist544

      That lines up with what my adjuster told me too.

  • 16
    clever-kestrel-313

    On the practical side — and I say this gently because the emotional piece matters most right now — the civil and criminal processes are separate tracks and they move at different speeds. Don't try to navigate either one without an attorney. Anything you say publicly, including online, can potentially be used in ways you don't anticipate. I'm not saying don't talk about how you're feeling, just be mindful of specifics. Get legal counsel before your next step if you haven't already.

    • 4
      quiet-passenger795

      Really glad you posted an update — gives the rest of us some hope.

  • 13
    cool-seal-385

    Not legal advice, and I don't know your jurisdiction or situation — but I'll say this generally: outcomes vary enormously based on circumstances, prior record, the nature of the injuries, and how things are handled from here. People assume the worst-case scenario is the only scenario. It often isn't. Cooperate with your attorney, follow their guidance closely, and don't make any statements without them present. The road forward exists even when you can't see it yet.

    • 8
      gentle-neighbor481

      Appreciate the detailed write-up. Saving this for later.

  • 12
    tidy-heron-171

    Whatever you do, stop talking to any insurance adjuster — yours or theirs — without knowing exactly what you're agreeing to. They are not your friends right now. Even your own insurer's interests aren't perfectly aligned with yours. Get representation before those conversations go any further.

  • 16
    warm-crow-730

    You came here and said 'I don't want to do something stupid in a dark moment.' That's you fighting for yourself. Hold onto that. Early 30s with accountability and the capacity for genuine remorse — that's actually a foundation. A lot of people never get there. This chapter of your life is brutal but it is a chapter, not the whole book.

    • 2
      careful-parent862

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

    • 6
      level-co-pilot380

      Adding this: keep copies of every email. It mattered for me.

  • 12
    calm-swift-094

    Three things: get a lawyer immediately if you don't have one, get a therapist immediately if you don't have one, and stop isolating. The shame wants you alone and quiet. Don't give it that. Everything else — the job, the license, the civil claim — is solvable or at least manageable. But you have to be functional enough to manage it. That's the only priority right now.