The Shoulder
The Shoulder
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Insurancegentle-wren-601

At-fault driver ghosted my sister after promising to pay out of pocket — now his insurance is stonewalling

Really frustrated and need some outside perspectives here.

My sister got rear-ended at a stoplight about three weeks ago. Pretty clear-cut situation — the guy behind her wasn't paying attention and hit her hard enough to push her into the intersection. Thankfully she wasn't seriously hurt, but her car has real damage and her neck has been stiff and sore ever since.

At the scene, the other driver was super apologetic and actually talked her out of filing a claim. He said something like "let's keep insurance out of this, I'll cover everything, just send me the repair estimate and I'll pay you directly." She felt bad for him — he seemed genuinely stressed about his rates going up — so she agreed.

She texted him the body shop estimate two days later. He left her on read. She tried calling — straight to voicemail every time. After a week of nothing, she finally went ahead and called his insurance company herself.

That was almost two weeks ago. Now the insurance company is telling her they can't process the claim because they haven't been able to reach their own policyholder to confirm the incident. So the claim is basically just... sitting there? In limbo?

She has:

  • Photos from the scene
  • Both of their contact info exchange
  • The texts she sent him (with no reply)
  • A witness who stopped and gave her their number

What can she actually do here? Does she have to just wait forever for this guy to magically pick up the phone? Can she file with her own insurance in the meantime? Will she be penalized for that?

She's already paid one chiropractic visit out of pocket and the car is just sitting unrepaired. Any advice from people who've been through something similar would mean a lot.

12replies

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12 replies

  • 21
    tidy-newt-166

    Oh man, almost the exact same thing happened to me two years ago. Different circumstances but same runaround — guy promised to handle it privately, then vanished. I waited way too long hoping he'd come through. Eventually I just filed through my own insurance (I had uninsured/underinsured coverage) and let THEM chase him down. Saved my sanity honestly. Your sister shouldn't have to beg someone to take responsibility for hitting her.

  • 15
    gentle-crow-026

    The other driver's insurance saying they 'can't process' because they can't reach him is a delay tactic — or at least it conveniently works in their favor. They have tools to locate and contact their own policyholder that your sister definitely doesn't have. I'd push back hard in writing. Send a formal letter (or email if you have a contact address) documenting the accident, listing all her evidence, and stating that you expect a coverage decision within a specific timeframe. Paper trails matter.

    • 23
      calm-badger-781

      Former adjuster here. Insurance companies are actually required in most states to conduct a reasonable investigation even if their insured is being unresponsive — they can't just indefinitely stall because the policyholder won't call them back. That said, it does genuinely complicate and slow things down. The key move right now is for your sister to file a complaint with your state's Department of Insurance if the carrier keeps stonewalling. That gets attention fast. Also — her witness is gold. Make sure that person writes down what they saw while it's still fresh.

    • 6
      tired-traveler351

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 16
    quiet-seal-150

    A few practical things that can move this forward: First, your sister should file a police report if she hasn't already — even this late, some jurisdictions allow it and it creates an official record. Second, she should send a certified letter to the at-fault driver directly, documenting the agreement he made at the scene and the damages she's incurred. Certified mail creates proof of delivery. Third, if her own policy has collision or uninsured motorist coverage, filing with her own insurer now doesn't necessarily mean she's 'giving up' — her insurer can subrogate (go after the other guy's insurer to get reimbursed). She should ask her own agent specifically about subrogation.

  • 13
    genuine-lynx-402

    Please make sure your sister keeps going to her doctor or chiropractor and doesn't let money concerns make her skip appointments. Neck injuries from rear-end collisions can seem minor at first and then get significantly worse over weeks. Every visit she attends creates a medical record that documents her injuries — that matters a lot if this ever escalates. Don't let the financial stress push her to 'tough it out.'

  • 9
    steady-fox-216

    Not legal advice, but situations like this are exactly why a lot of PI attorneys offer free consultations. If the insurance company keeps stonewalling and the damages are real (sounds like they are — car damage plus ongoing medical), an attorney can often light a fire under the process in ways an individual just can't. Most work on contingency so there's no upfront cost. Worth at least one call to understand her options. The evidence she has — photos, texts, a witness — is a solid foundation.

  • 19
    patient-grouse-751

    She needs to stop waiting and file with her own insurance today. I know it feels wrong when it wasn't her fault, but sitting around hoping the other guy's insurer gets its act together is costing her money and letting her car sit damaged. File the claim, pay the deductible if she has to, and let her insurer deal with recovering it from the other side. That's literally what insurance is for.

    • 6
      weary-driver585

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 5
    mellow-owl-553

    This makes me so angry on her behalf. She did the nice thing by trusting this guy and now she's the one suffering for it. I really hope she gets some resolution soon. Make sure she's not handling all this alone — the back-and-forth with insurance while dealing with a sore neck and a broken car is genuinely exhausting.

    • 4
      thankful-offramp123

      This thread is gold. Thanks everyone.

    • 4
      kind-rider277

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.