The Shoulder
The Shoulder
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Insurancequick-newt-130

At-fault accident, other driver demanding cash on top of what insurance is paying — can he do that?

Still kind of shaken writing this out, but here goes.

About three weeks ago I ran a red light — completely my fault, I own that. T-boned another car pretty bad. Both vehicles were totaled. I ended up with a broken collarbone and some bruised ribs; the other driver walked away without a scratch, which honestly I'm grateful for.

Here's where it's getting complicated. My insurance accepted liability right away and they're handling everything — paying out the other driver's total loss, covering my own car under my policy, the whole deal. I thought that was it.

But now the other driver keeps texting me personally — like, finding ways to reach me directly — saying insurance isn't making him "whole" and he wants me to pay him several thousand dollars out of pocket on top of what the insurance settlement is. Something about money he put into the car before the accident (aftermarket stuff, receipts he claims to have). He's saying if I don't pay he'll take me to civil court.

I genuinely feel terrible about the accident. I'm not trying to dodge responsibility. But I'm also recovering, missing work, and barely keeping up with my own bills right now. I have literally nothing extra to give him.

My questions are:

  • Should I even be talking to him directly? Or does everything go through insurance now?
  • Can he actually sue me personally even after insurance pays out?
  • Is his claim about aftermarket parts something that's even legally valid?

Has anyone dealt with an at-fault situation where the other driver kept pushing for more after insurance settled? What did you do?

14replies

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14 replies

  • 20
    cool-raven-504

    I used to work claims and I've seen this play out a lot. A few things:

    First, aftermarket modifications can sometimes be factored into a total loss valuation, but only if he can document them properly and only up to what they actually added to the vehicle's market value — not necessarily what he paid. That's a conversation he needs to have with the adjuster, not you.

    Second, yes, technically he can sue you personally even after insurance pays. But if your insurer accepted liability and paid out the fair market value, a lawsuit gets a lot harder for him to win. His damages have to be real and provable.

    Third — and I can't stress this enough — loop your insurance company in on these texts immediately. They have a duty to defend you.

    • 9
      careful-dreamer112

      Appreciate the detailed write-up. Saving this for later.

  • 19
    bold-dove-795

    A couple of practical things that might help:

    1. Screenshot and save every text he's sent you demanding money. Date, time, content — all of it. 2. Send your insurer a written summary (email is fine) of what he's been saying to you directly. Create a paper trail. 3. Ask your insurer specifically whether you're required to communicate with him at all now that a claim is open — most policies say no.

    If he does file in small claims or civil court, that paper trail showing he was pressuring you directly becomes very relevant.

    • 3
      weary-neighbor296

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 18
    cool-sparrow-695

    He's trying to pressure you into paying out of pocket so he can pocket more than he's entitled to. Classic move. Insurers negotiate total loss values and they don't just hand over whatever number the other person wants — there's a process. His beef about aftermarket parts is actually something he should be raising with YOUR insurance adjuster, not shaking you down over text. Don't give him a dime without talking to your insurer first.

    • 7
      hopeful-wanderer917

      That lines up with what my adjuster told me too.

    • 7
      restless-backseat891

      Took me three tries but they finally budged. Don't give up.

  • 12
    sharp-elk-802

    Stop texting him back. Seriously, right now. Anything you say to him directly can be used against you if he does file suit. Forward his messages to your insurance company and let THEM handle all communication with him going forward. That's literally what you pay premiums for.

  • 12
    silent-crane-256

    Broken collarbone AND bruised ribs — please make sure you're actually resting and following up with your doctor. I know the legal stress feels urgent but if you push yourself too hard physically right now you can set your recovery back weeks. The insurance stuff will still be there. Your body has a narrower window.

    • 9
      kind-wanderer124

      Appreciate the detailed write-up. Saving this for later.

  • 9
    curious-vole-557

    Quick question — did your insurance company actually formally close his claim, or is it still in process? Because if the settlement hasn't been finalized yet, he might be trying to negotiate before signing a release, which is a different situation than if he already accepted a payout and is now asking for more. Which is it?

  • 7
    mellow-finch-579

    Not legal advice, but: once your insurer accepts liability, they generally take over the defense of any claims arising from that accident. If he sues you personally, notify your insurance company the same day — they're likely obligated to provide you legal defense up to your policy limits. Whether anything beyond that could reach you personally depends on your coverage and what he's actually claiming. Talk to your own attorney if you're worried — many do free consults for situations like this.

    • 6
      quiet-wolf-545

      This sounds so stressful on top of already recovering from the accident. Please don't let him guilt you into paying something out of pocket when you genuinely don't have it. You're not a bad person for expecting insurance to do what it's designed to do. Take care of yourself first.

  • 6
    kind-finch-312

    I was on the other side of something similar — I was the one who got hit — and honestly the adjuster process was frustrating but it exists for a reason. The other driver in my case kept trying to go around insurance too and it just made everything messier. Your insurer is your buffer right now. Use them.