The Shoulder
The Shoulder
61
warm-hare-482

Almost 6 months out and I feel like I'm falling apart all over again

I don't really know where to start. The accident was back in the spring and for a while I thought I was actually making progress. My shoulder and neck were finally loosening up, I was sleeping better, and I genuinely felt like I could see the end of the tunnel.

Then this past week happened and I don't know what flipped, but it all crashed back down.

I got a PTSD diagnosis about two months after the crash — my therapist said it made sense given how violent the impact was. I'd been doing EMDR and it seemed to be working. But the last few days I keep getting these flashes of the moment of impact. Like my brain just randomly queues it up. I'll be washing dishes or sitting in a parking lot and suddenly I'm back in that car.

I've been irritable in a way that scares me. I snapped at my sister last night over something completely stupid. I can't even merge on the highway without my heart rate going through the roof. I feel like I'm exhausting the people around me.

I also have to be honest about something darker — a thought crossed my mind yesterday that scared me. It passed, but it was there. I caught it and I'm talking about it here because I think I need to say it out loud somewhere.

I'm still in therapy. I have an appointment Thursday. I just feel so done — done with the pain, done with the legal process dragging on, done with not feeling like myself. Has anyone else hit a wall like this so far in? Does it actually get better or does it just get quieter?

If you're in crisis, please reach or text 988. Seriously.

10replies

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10 replies

  • 20
    keen-stoat-361

    I could have written this myself six months ago. The wave-pattern is so real — you think you're climbing out and then something just drags you back under with no warning. For me it was around month seven that things finally started to actually stick. Not saying that's your timeline, everyone's different, but I want you to know the backslides don't mean you're broken or that you're not healing. Please tell your therapist Thursday exactly what you told us here, including the dark thought. That's what they're there for and they need the full picture.

    • 7
      plainspoken-late-shift393

      Thank you both, this gave me the push I needed to make the call.

  • 20
    calm-swan-875

    Tell your therapist about the intrusive thought word for word. Don't soften it, don't frame it as 'I'm fine now.' Let them do their job with full information. And if things feel like they're escalating before Thursday, call their after-hours line or text 988 — that's what those exist for. You've made it this far, keep going.

    • 2
      patient-neighbor688

      This is really helpful — thank you for posting it.

  • 17
    bright-crow-693

    Not legal advice, but I'll say this — psychological injuries like PTSD are very much compensable, and the documentation you're building through therapy is important. Don't feel pressure to settle while you're still actively in treatment and still experiencing setbacks like this week. The legal process can feel unbearable when you're already stretched thin, but closing a case too early is hard to undo. Focus on Thursday's appointment first. Everything else can wait a little.

  • 15
    clever-vole-348

    I know the legal stuff feels like it's adding weight to everything, and it genuinely is. Just want to flag — be careful about settling just because you're exhausted and want it over. I've seen people close cases before they fully understand how far their mental health treatment is going to go. PTSD treatment can go long. Make sure whoever is handling your case knows the full scope of what you're dealing with emotionally, not just the physical injuries.

    • 2
      curious-traveler869

      Wish I had seen this a month ago — would have saved me a lot of stress.

  • 12
    spry-elk-960

    The fact that you caught that dark thought and it scared you — that's actually meaningful. That's a part of you that wants to be here and is paying attention. I know that probably sounds small right now but I don't think it is. Hang on to Thursday.

  • 11
    humble-raven-848

    Thank you for being brave enough to share the darker thought — that actually matters a lot. Please lead with that when you see your therapist Thursday, don't bury it in the middle of the conversation. Trauma responses can spike seemingly out of nowhere, especially around the 5-6 month mark when the initial adrenaline and 'survival mode' your brain was running on starts to fade. Your nervous system is genuinely exhausted. That irritability, the intrusive replays, the physical hypervigilance on the road — those are all connected and they're real symptoms, not you being weak. Keep that appointment and be honest. You're doing the right things.

  • 9
    genuine-marmot-439

    I'm really glad you posted this instead of sitting alone with it. Please be honest with your therapist about all of it — especially the thought that scared you. You deserve actual support right now, not just going through the motions of appointments.