The Shoulder
The Shoulder
70
Car accidentskind-bison-856

Almost 3 years post-crash and I'm still paying for what someone else did. I'm exhausted.

CW: grief, chronic illness, mental health, loss of independence

Just need to get this out somewhere because I feel like the people around me have moved on and I haven't.

Three years ago a driver blew through a red light at a busy intersection and hit me at highway speed. Total loss on my car. I walked away from the scene — or so I thought.

Before the crash I was thriving. I had a career I'd spent years building in hospitality management. I coached youth soccer on weekends. I was training for a half-marathon. I had a whole life.

Now? I have daily migraines that no specialist has been able to fully explain. I get vertigo so bad some mornings I can't get out of bed without gripping the nightstand. I've had two "episodes" that my neurologist thinks might be seizure-adjacent but we still don't have a clean diagnosis. I can't drive anymore — my reaction time and visual tracking are just... off. I had to leave my job because the screen time alone triggers migraines that knock me out for days.

My relationship didn't survive it. My friends don't really call anymore. I moved back in with family, which I'm grateful for, but I'm 34 years old and I feel like I'm watching my life through a window.

The other driver's insurance dragged things out so long I ended up accepting a settlement I'm not sure was fair just because I was too sick and too broke to keep fighting. And I still have medical bills coming in.

I don't really have a question. I just... needed someone to hear this. Does anyone else feel like the crash didn't just hurt you — it replaced you with someone you don't recognize?

11replies

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11 replies

  • 24
    calm-hare-850

    What you're describing — the vertigo, the visual tracking issues, the episode activity — sounds like it could be overlapping post-concussive and vestibular stuff, which is notoriously hard to pin down and can absolutely take years to even get properly diagnosed, let alone treated. A lot of ERs and even general neurologists miss the vestibular piece entirely. If you haven't seen a neuro-otologist specifically, that might be worth pushing for. Also: the cognitive and emotional toll of chronic undiagnosed symptoms is massive and very real — please don't let anyone (including doctors) dismiss that part.

    • 5
      gentle-dreamer639

      Curious whether you did this on your own or had help with it.

  • 15
    daring-stoat-163

    I used to work on the claims side and I'll be honest with you — unresolved or hard-to-diagnose injuries were sometimes internally categorized as "soft" claims even when they clearly weren't. If the medical records were still coming in and there was no clean diagnosis yet, that actually gave the company leverage to lowball because they could argue "causation is unclear." It's a garbage tactic. The fact that your symptoms are complicated doesn't mean they're worth less — it often just means you needed more specialized representation than most people think to get.

  • 14
    daring-hare-687

    I feel this in my bones. I was rear-ended two and a half years ago and I keep telling people "I'm not who I was" and they look at me like I'm being dramatic. You're not being dramatic. A crash doesn't just damage your car — it can quietly dismantle everything else. The grief is real and it doesn't follow a timeline. You're not alone in this.

  • 14
    sharp-vole-500

    I'm so sorry. Reading this made me tear up. You didn't deserve any of this — not the physical stuff, not losing your relationship, not having to move back home at 34. None of it. Please don't stop talking about it, even when people around you seem like they've moved on. Your pain is still real even if it's not "new" to them.

  • 13
    plain-heron-457

    Okay real talk: if you settled already, find out exactly what you signed and what it covers. Get copies of everything. Then figure out if your current ongoing bills could be going through your own auto policy — people forget that their own coverage can sometimes help even after an at-fault party's claim closes. And if you haven't connected with a disability attorney about your inability to work, do that soon. You may have options you don't know about yet. I'm sorry you're in this. But there may still be moves to make.

  • 10
    kind-sparrow-121

    Did you have an attorney when you settled, or did you negotiate directly with the other driver's insurance? And do you know if your own policy had uninsured/underinsured motorist coverage or MedPay? Those details matter a lot for figuring out if there's anything left on the table or if it's fully closed. Not doubting your experience at all — just want to understand the full picture before assuming the worst or the best.

  • 8
    clever-heron-925

    "Too sick and too broke to keep fighting" — that's not an accident, that's a strategy. Adjusters are trained to wait people out. The longer you're suffering and the more desperate you get, the lower they can push that number. I'm not saying that's definitely what happened to you, but it happens constantly and it's infuriating. I really hope you had someone in your corner reviewing that settlement before you signed.

    • 24
      clear-grouse-347

      A few things worth knowing, just practically: if you settled and signed a full release, that's typically final — but if there were any issues with how the release was presented, or if your capacity to consent was compromised by your medical condition at the time, that's at least worth a conversation with an attorney. Also, if you're still racking up medical bills that stem from the accident, some of those may have been coverable under the original claim or your own policy's MedPay or PIP provisions depending on your state. Definitely not telling you what to do, just — don't assume everything is closed until someone actually reviews the paperwork.

    • 3
      plainspoken-road-soul641

      Took me three tries but they finally budged. Don't give up.

  • 8
    silent-mole-515

    I know this probably isn't what you need to hear right now, and feel free to ignore me — but the fact that you wrote all of this out, clearly and powerfully, tells me that you are still in there. The person who built a career, who coached kids, who trained for races. She didn't disappear. She's just carrying something unbearably heavy right now. That's not the same as gone.