The Shoulder
The Shoulder
68
Car accidentsgentle-raven-035

accident at 18 turned my whole world upside down — just looking for people who get it

hey everyone. i don't really know how to start this so i'll just dive in.

right after my 18th birthday i got hit by another driver on my way home from my shift at the restaurant where i'd been saving up for my first semester of culinary school. never made it. the other car ran a red light and that was it — my whole future just... redirected itself without asking me.

I ended up with a fractured vertebra, a shattered wrist on my dominant hand (i'm a cook — do you understand how devastating that is), and a pretty serious concussion that still messes with my memory and sleep two years later. i had surgery twice. i had to move back in with my parents at an age where all my friends were moving out. i had to do months of physical therapy just to get basic grip strength back.

the hardest part honestly isn't even the physical stuff anymore. it's the identity thing. i was someone who was going somewhere. i had a plan. i had momentum. and now i feel like i'm watching everyone else's life move forward through a foggy window while i'm stuck in waiting rooms and follow-up appointments.

i don't know who caused the accident — there's a whole legal thing still in progress that i don't fully understand. i don't remember much from that night. and i'm 20 now just sitting with so many unanswered questions about what my life is supposed to look like.

just wanted to find people who might actually understand what this feels like. because most people in my life try but they really don't. 💙

11replies

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11 replies

  • 12
    brave-swift-582

    i felt every single word of this. i was 22 when i got hit and had just started a job i actually cared about. the identity loss is SO real and nobody talks about it enough. people expect you to be grateful you survived (and i am) but they don't understand that the person you were before the accident also kind of... didn't survive. sending you so much love. you're not alone in this.

    • 14
      quick-tern-975

      i know this probably isn't what you need to hear every day, and i'm not trying to minimize any of it — but the fact that you're two years out and still fighting, still trying to connect, still articulating what happened to you this clearly? that takes strength. culinary school might look different than you planned but your passion for cooking doesn't have to disappear. some of the most creative people in any field got there by a road they never expected.

  • 18
    plain-elk-912

    the sleep issues and memory fog after a concussion can genuinely linger for years and it's not talked about enough in discharge paperwork. if you haven't already, please ask your doctor for a referral to a neurologist who specializes in post-concussion syndrome — it's a real thing with real treatment options. also the grief you're describing over your identity and your plans? that's legitimate trauma. a therapist who works with trauma specifically (not just general counseling) can make a huge difference. your brain and your heart both took a hit here.

    • 0
      grounded-road-soul936

      Did the timeline change anything for you? Mine dragged on for weeks.

  • 5
    daring-heron-401

    i'm not going through anything like this but i just want to say — the way you wrote this is so honest and raw and i really hope you find your people here. the part about watching everyone else move forward through a foggy window hit me hard. that image says everything.

  • 6
    candid-beaver-027

    please please please be careful about what you say to the other driver's insurance company if they've been contacting you. they are not your friend. they will use anything you say — even something like 'i'm doing a little better' — to minimize your claim. if there's still a legal case open, run everything through whoever is handling it for you before you talk to adjusters.

  • 7
    bright-otter-844

    jumping off what the person above said — i used to work on the claims side and i've seen it happen so many times. injured people just want it to be over so they accept an early offer that sounds big but doesn't account for years of future medical costs, lost earning potential, or the kind of ongoing stuff you're describing. with injuries like yours — two surgeries, a concussion with lasting symptoms, career impact — the long-term numbers matter a lot. make sure whoever is in your corner actually understands the full picture before anything gets settled.

    • 4
      patient-walker514

      Seconding this. The same approach worked for me last year.

  • 10
    bold-heron-291

    a couple things that might help you understand the legal side a bit better: the fact that you don't fully remember the accident doesn't hurt your case — that's what police reports, witness statements, and accident reconstruction are for. also, if your dominant hand was injured and your intended career required it, that's called 'loss of earning capacity' and it's a real category of damages. i'm not giving legal advice, just saying these are things worth making sure get documented properly. keep records of everything — every appointment, every prescription, every day you couldn't work.

  • 9
    gentle-badger-542

    two things: 1) get the concussion stuff taken seriously medically, like actually push for the specialists, don't let a GP just tell you it'll resolve on its own. 2) if there's any chance the legal case settles soon, pump the brakes. you're still young and your medical picture may not be fully clear yet. settling too early with ongoing neuro symptoms is a mistake a lot of people regret.

  • 13
    warm-newt-232

    when you say the legal thing is 'still in progress' — do you have an attorney or is it just an open insurance claim? those are really different situations and i'd want to understand which one before saying much more. also how long ago did the surgeries happen? i ask because the timeline matters a lot for where things stand.